Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
