i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
