just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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