I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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