Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
