I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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