Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
