Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
The adults are the big ones right?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
