I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
