i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
