:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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