I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
