so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
