It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
