Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
