Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
