She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
