she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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