the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
