It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
