Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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