Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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