So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
