At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
