She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
