it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
