I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
