Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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