hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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