Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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