she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
