"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
