i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
