He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
