you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
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