I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We left an ass print on the piano.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
