I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
