Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
nutella sex= disaster
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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