Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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