It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
