I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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