P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
