she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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