What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
