we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize