Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
