so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
