guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Did I show you my penis last night?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
