Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
