Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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