Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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