Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
worst night to have a conscience
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
