my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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