Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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