Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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