My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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