he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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