I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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