just tell him i said nine months
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize