i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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