He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
This house was built for laser tag.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
