State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Your cock deserves a montage
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
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