I'm eating all of the evidence.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize