but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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