I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
