How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
