I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I checked into jail on foursquare
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
