Cold hands, warm shart.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
