The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
We left an ass print on the piano.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
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