Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
