and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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