The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
