I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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