He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
