I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
