Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
