So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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