Swine flu. Run for my life!
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
This baby is an asshole
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
