Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
And then my night got REAL pukey
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
